i dont know how to start this entry right now .
okay let me count to ten first .
i was taught to do so in CS when one is pissed .
one two three four five six seven eight nine ten .
*take a deep breath .

today's so fucked up .
started off the day by being late, OVERSLP again .
yeahyeah oversleeping is just an excuse, u can always sleep earlier blahblahblah . i didnt say it was a reason either, thts the reason why i prefer not to be asked of .
im seriously putting lotsa effort trying to be early for trng for example packing my bag the day before no matter how tired i am cus i know if i dont i'll be SUPER DUPER late for trng .
others might not see it and i dont see a need to show it but im definitely much more punctual than before -thts a FACT .
and i realised im always being pinpointed for the late queen in evrybody's eyes. no matter how many times im early, it just take that ONE particular time to be late and thts it . JUST ONCE for the"walauuu hsingyee again" eyes to be read and questions like "why are you always late" start popping out .
why dont i see this scenario happening on those who were and are still late, why only ME ?!
anw, i did 200 push-ups again .
so as you can see, im ALWAYS late indeed . whatever .

rowing was damn horrible too .
i didnt let it happen purposely so that i could rest SOOOO MANY TIMES on the pontoon .
as if i told my arms to ache .
uh-huh im the laggiest among the lags, being the only senior still capping like nobody's business cus i rided late on K and PA race had to come so untimely when the rest could sprint and kick asses on K i had to paddle so damn hard on T manuveuring through strokes instead of the rudder .
it might be excuses to you guys-"u can always take the initiative to go down and row more often", but hello i dont put kayaking as my top priority unlike you guys . u can train seven days a week for all i care but that doesnt mean i dont have to follow suit . i want the sport to be part of my life not a BURDEN .
who wont wish to sprint with the team, who likes to lag behind ?
okay enough said .

shit, too much tears shed for this entry .
I MISS ANJU badly ! =//